It's a story of betrayal and ruthless violence.. jokes. But it gets a bit deep.
It was actually on an out-of-uniform day at school about 3 years ago.
I was at my locker, facing towards my books and I could hear people behind me.
They were chatting amongst themselves, then one of them must have seen me, standing by my locker and went to talk to his(or her) friend about me.
I have no idea what he said, but I know that the friend mustn't have known who he was talking about because he asked "who?" which was replied by stating, "That tall kid".
And that was it. It may seem simple enough. But it was in that moment, a lot changed for me.
Growing up in a small town, with a uniform society, is hard. Especially when you can't help but defy all social norms. (He likes musical theatre = he's gay, He doesn't play football = he's gay, He gets good marks in school = he's gay.) There was never a time when I felt that I wasn't being objectified for being different. To make matters worse, I already had the worst haircut ever, the rabbit-iest teeth and was a whole foot taller than anyone else in my year.
And that was it. It may seem simple enough. But it was in that moment, a lot changed for me.
Growing up in a small town, with a uniform society, is hard. Especially when you can't help but defy all social norms. (He likes musical theatre = he's gay, He doesn't play football = he's gay, He gets good marks in school = he's gay.) There was never a time when I felt that I wasn't being objectified for being different. To make matters worse, I already had the worst haircut ever, the rabbit-iest teeth and was a whole foot taller than anyone else in my year.
Having absolutely no diversity from a young age, had it's toll on me. How was I supposed to understand why I would rather play with Bratz dolls than kick a football? or watch 'Sleep-over Club' instead of 'Power Rangers'? I had no one to look up to, no one to guide me. My parents knew I was different, and they never did anything to change that. But they aren't gay themselves, how are they supposed to help me on my journey to discover my sexual identity.
I had to do it alone, and I think that's why I kept it locked up for so long. I tried so hard to hide the most defining feature about myself. And so, my height became what everyone knew me by. My barrier.
It was only after hearing that people were calling me 'That tall kid' that I realised, I was hiding behind physical appearance. I was scared to 'come out'. But I knew it needed to happen.
It was only after hearing that people were calling me 'That tall kid' that I realised, I was hiding behind physical appearance. I was scared to 'come out'. But I knew it needed to happen.
I remember that same year, I was in health class. It was a mixed class of year 9's and 10's and my teacher (who was incredible) was discussing bullying and homophobia in school. She asked the class "who thinks it would be unsafe for a student to come out as homosexual in this school". The majority raised their hands.. (I think the rest, didn't really care). As she went to continue, a boy in my year spoke loudly these exact words: "All gay people should be shot, because they are gay. Being gay is wrong." All I wanted to do was cry, but I knew it would blow my cover.
//This post has turned out differently to what I expected.
I'm going to continue this tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
